This Is Me — The Untold Side of Epilepsy
I can write it. Saying it can be much harder.
Texting is easier for me because I have time. I can read the question, think about what it means, work out what I want to say and then answer.
Face-to-face conversations and phone calls are different. If I am put on the spot, nerves can take over. I can forget what we were talking about, misunderstand the question or drift onto another subject without meaning to.
I once had a doctor ask me about my “waterworks”. I answered that I did not drink water because I did not realise he was asking about urination. It is the sort of misunderstanding that can sound funny afterwards, but in the moment I am genuinely trying to answer the question I think I have been asked.
It happens with healthcare appointments, people coming to the house, companies on the phone and ordinary conversations. The more nervous I become, the harder it can be to think clearly.
Even online, sometimes I read something and know I understand it, but when I try to reply my brain goes blank. I might only press “like”. Other times I can write a full response.
If I were at a dinner party, I would probably be the person sitting towards the back hoping nobody suddenly puts me on the spot.
I am not uninterested. I may simply need more time to process the question and find the words.
Sometimes giving me a few extra seconds makes a much bigger difference than people realise.